On Zombie Leavings: or, Life must be Tough for Brainy Women!

Shipmates,

Often times you have heard* the Dread Pirate Dewey remark upon the strange nature of the “human” cargo that haunts the corridors of the mighty Pequod. Yea, at times it seems that I must be safely ensconced in my fine linens and jaunty nightcap** soundly slumbering and trapped in a foul nightmare! The twisted freaks of humanity, whose souls have long since decayed from too much exposure to Fox “news,” stumble about in search of even the feeblest ray of light to help them “burn and rave at close of day!”***  

Anyhow, as you might imagine, and as, in fact, I have previously mentioned, these cantankerous zombies have reading habits that would turn the blood of any lover of les belle letters as cold as Goneril’s  love-less heart! So when I am not busy dolling out doses of daily Sudoku or signing out yet another thrilling Patterson novel, I find the time to peruse the “paperback exchange.” This, for the uninitiated,**** is a cupboard in which guests leave old paperbacks and pick out new ones in exchange. I have found some real gems in my day! I keep all the Westerns for my own reading pleasure, of course. With the romance novels that come my way, I put them in an envelope labeled “ESL Training Manual” and leave them in my Ukrainian friend’s mailbox. If I find hardcover books in good condition, I sometimes enter them into the library system, but some I keep for myself. My favourite find so far is a book titled Take the Young Stranger by the Hand: Same-Sex Relations and the YMCA, mostly because I love to imagine the smirk that must have graced the face of the person leaving such a book on such a ship as the Pequod.

That was my favourite find until today. Just now, shipmates, I happened upon a real find! It is titled  Nobody’s Baby but Mine, and it is, I assume, a “real page-turner!” I shall leave you now with the synopsis found on the back cover. Enjoy.

Nobody’s Baby but Mine

Genius physics professor Dr. Jane Darling desperately wants a baby. But finding a father won’t be easy. Jane’s super intelligence made her feel like a freak when she was growing up, and she’s determined to spare her own child that suffering. Which means she must find someone very special to father her child. Someone who’s more comfortable working his muscles than exercising his brain.

Cal Bonner, the Chicago Star’s legendary quarterback, seems like the perfect choice. But his champion good looks and down-home ways are deceiving. Dr. Jane is about to learn a little too late that this good ol’ boy is a lot smarter than he lets on—and he’s not about to be used and abandoned by a brainy, baby-mad schemer.

*Well, read.
**Otherwise naked ladies (and gay gentlemen (oh, and gay ladies probably do not care actually…))
***Well, either that or Sudoku.
****Or just plain stupid, god bless ‘em.