Shipmates,
Well mates, today marks a month that I’ve been aboard the mighty Pequod in her wave-cresting quest for ducats! Oh the sights I’ve seen lo these many weeks! The sayings and doing of the decrepit elderly, the sheep-eyed innocents, and the genuinely stupid could fill volumes*, but it is on this momentous day—surely marked in most people’s calendars—that it behooves us to turn our gaze from the idiosyncrasies of the flawed beasts aboard this strange ark and instead consider “a day in the life of a cruise ship librarian.”
7:00-7:15. My small travel alarm clock begins ringing**; although, most mornings I am awake before my shrill plastic friend. This is odd as I have no windows. I seek my nightly succor from the cares of the world in the deepest dark of the crypt and I wake to the same inky embrace! Yet somehow my internal clock keeps accurate time. Oh the wonders of my body!***
Next I begin the careful descent from top bunk to floor—a scant few inches of my desk providing the sole aid down from my perilous perch! Keep in mind as well that this is accomplished in darkness and silence as to avoid disturbing my roommate. Using the bathroom light, I then pull on my regulation outfit for the day and make my way to the Lido deck.
7:15-8:00. Most mornings we are in port somewhere, so once I get to the Lido I gather my breakfast and sit on the back deck with the Dutch fellow who is both the Pequod’s “lifestylist” and my morning dining companion. I am currently crafting a post dealing with the nutrition aboard a cruise ship, so I shan’t bore you with an account of my typical breakfast here. Let’s just say that smoked salmon plays a starring role; my shinny coat is proof of this.
8:00-:8:30ish. Opening time! After the nosh, I walk down 3 decks and begin my workday. With my trusty keys I open the electronic gates that bar guests from messing with the merchandise during the evenings—or I try at least. Generally there is a horde of shambling cattle gathered about the “puzzle nook” mooing for their daily Sudoku. Thus, after I shovel the mental pabulum into the trough, I make my rounds and declare to the world: open for business! Come and test my wares! Our collection runs from Atwood to Zola! Come and sail the imaginative seas mates!
Oh how a room full of books always fills my heart to the brim with faith in my fellow human being’s capacity for goodness and learning—and how quickly a line of shambling morons clutching the latest Patterson “thriller” drains my ebullience!
8:30-9:45ish. This period is one that we in the trade refer to as a “sweet spot of the day.” Generally, I space out for a while after opening and straightening out any kinks. Then I might read and check my corporate emails. Perhaps I’ll wonder about and stop for a chat with Erwin, the Filipino fellow who currently runs the coffee stand. Occasionally a guest will stop by and require me to do something. Occasionally they will chat with me. Occasionally it will be a guest I actually like.
9:45-10:00. Part of my job is taking care of the bridge group that meets every day at 10am and 2pm. This means I wander down a deck and make sure the supplies are in order. On some cruises I am faced with a room full of militant card players ready to give me a full dose of hatred if the cookies are not on the table soon enough. I suppose the lack of a timely repast is the reason that they steal all the playing cards day after day. Next I saunter over to the entertainment office and check in with my bosses. I have much more to say about the wonderfully smarmy personage known as a cruise director, so I’ll pull the curtain here and move on to the next exciting chapter of my day!
10:00-Noon. Another sweet spot. I might, if feeling rambunctious from caffeine overload, work on a “project;” fixing old books, or putting a shelf in alphabetic order,**** for example. Sometimes I read. Or just stare out the windows.
12:00-16:00. My time off! Yea! Basically my sole daily allotment of freedom. I usually get my pump on and eat lunch. Then, if I’m interested in the day’s port, I’ll make my way ashore. If not, I’ll go chill by the back pool. Good times!
16:00-18:00. Back to the grindstone for a long two hours. This is, unfortunately, not generally one of the sweet spots of the day. The shambling multitudes will have made a mess of my tidy shelves and, as they are for the most part an unhappy lot, take this opportunity to complain to me about the seemingly endless series of misfortunes that beset them daily. It’s humourous because I don’t care.
18:00-19:00. Dinner! Sometimes I join the “Explorations Team” for dinner and sometimes I dine alone. Whatever seating space and my mood allows.
19:00-21:50ish. Back to work. This is generally a period of ebbs and flows. During showtimes, the library is a desert, but then—alas!—the show lets out, and it’s schmooze time baby! It’s also sleepy time, and so I try to take it easy and remain at my desk.
21:50-22:00. Time to close up shop! Basically a reverse of the morning process, it also involves putting away the reference books that the morbidly obese deem “too heavy” to return to their rightful homes.
22:00-?. Done for the night! Thus far I’ve been too tired to make much of an effort to cultivate a social life during my brief time off; I usually go back to my dark bunk and watch an episode of Homicide: Life on the Street, read for a bit, and pass out with the hopes that my exhaustion will keep me from being awoken by my roommate’s 2am call for room service.
That is the typical “port day” for your humble narrator. Days at sea differ only in that I take my breaks at different times and I am barred from using the back pool. And the guests are more annoying. The first day of a cruise, however, is…different. Trust me mates, the strange rituals I am forced to participate in on an embarkment day deserves a separate posting!
*And they will for I have little else to write about.
**Thanks mom! Best (or at least, most useful) X-mas gift eva!
***Get your mind out of the gutter.
****No the books are not generally in fully alphabetic order. Our ticket agents seem to only sell berths to those lacking the brain power to put a book back in the same place from which it was removed. I am, however, conducting an experiment this cruise: I have arranged my “best seller” and “fiction” section in alphabetic order. If I don’t find this an overly frustrating experience, I fully intend to organize the other 8 sections in
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