Aboard the Pequod

Shipmates,

Well, it’s been over a week since I donned my monkey coat aboard the ms Pequod,* and what, you, my faithful reader, might ask, do I have to say of my experience thus far. Tis a fair and right-rigged question I admit, but such a course is not as easily plotted as you might hazard. In a single word, the last week could be described as “overwhelming.” I could dwell upon the negative: I share a tiny room with another fully-grown man; I go to work at the appointed hours wearing the appointed clothing; I have windows throughout the day wherein I might eat or workout; I will live under these conditions for 4 months. Basically, I live in prison. A constantly rocking prison filled with old American Republicans who insist upon telling me how Obama is ruining America.**

But there is vodka in this orange juice!***I can see that after the initial transitional period fades, I will have a job that requires little actual labour. We have a library of some 5000 titles (2450 of which seem to have been written by either Glenn Beck or Newt Gingrich. Seriously.)**** , and I already spend about half my time reading. I assume that once I get more practiced, this will easily creep up to 75-80% of my “work” time. And in my time away from the demands of the library, I bask in the Caribbean sun.

The single dying fly that threatens to spoil the screwdriver that is my life, is the atrocious internet access. When I get finally get a signal, it generally takes me about ten minutes to actually access any specific website. Thus I apologize formally and publicly for my recent silence. I know my legions of readers are clamouring for the slightest mention of my name. “Your exploits Ian!” They scream, “tell us of your exploits!” Well mates, I can only urge patience in the face of such rapacious appetite. In the coming weeks, I promise at least three blog posts: one with pictures documenting the daily sartorial indignity I face, a second post that will in fact be a bitter tirade against old people,***** and a third for my crossfitting friends. In these posts you will learn why I plan to never grow old, why TABATA squats performed on a ship on the high seas can be both good and bad, and perhaps more than you ever wanted to know about how I look in orange.

* In order to retain the freedom to say slanderous things about the company for which I work, I am adopting Melvillian names. It also makes me sound smart.

** This actually happened. Not the Obama ruining America thing, the obnoxious republican (is that an oxymoron?) thing.

*** Not that orange juice is equivalent to prison, just that vodka is pretty awesome.

**** Not seriously. We have a number of James Patterson “thrillers” as well.

***** And their old people ways.